Thursday, November 24, 2005
Today's one of the best days of my life.
Simple, yet satiated to the brim with contentment and beatitude.
Many thanks to Cheryl and Dinah for helping me resolve everything between me and her. And ultimately, thank you for not giving up on us despite how much I shrugged you off with nothing but nonchalance. Also, apologies for every ounce of hurt that I've inflicted on you for the past week or so. I'm just glad we've pulled through, and hope with all my heart that we'll never have to be placed in such an experience again. Yes, it may be the XXXXXX time that we've been through all these quarrels and cold wars, but I hope it'll be the last, or the last few. I hope we'll always be this close, this tight, this sweet forever. Every barrier that we've broken through only makes our relationship stronger, makes us cherish each other more. Thank you for never giving up on us. Thank you so much. (:
Our history is one that I'll never forget.
And our future is one of utmost anticipation.
I love you, as much as always.
(:
9:07 PM
Saturday, November 19, 2005
If all truth be told, I honestly don't know how long is this silence gonna last between us. Frankly speaking, it has been bugging me for the past couple of nights. Actually, ever since that moment when you msged me goodnight after we've 'ended' whatever that we had, as if nothing actually happened. I just can't get you out of my head. Yet I'm completely baffled by the thoughts processing through your mind, what is conjured, what everything means.
You make everything seem like a dream.
We can be so close for a week, and the next we're almost complete strangers. Everything is intermittent, ephemeral. It's as if there can never be a constant flow within this friendship. Sorry, but I have had enough of this rhythmic cycle that we inadvertently put ourselves through, get annoyed by it, get hurt by it. We can be so abruptly distant from each other that nothing ever seems real in this friendship. (Is it even one to begin with?) One moment we're sharing everything with each other, and the next we're eradicated wholly from each others' lives. If you know that we're gonna be so distant sooner or later, don't (DON'T) get so close to me in the first place. I hate the feeling of the ephemeral saturation in life being taken away from you so fucking abruptly that you can't do nuckingfuts about it. I've had enough.
But this constriction that you've placed within my thoughts mercilessly causes me to think of you, placing me in a dilemma. I don't know if I should talk to you again, if it's the right thing to do. It's not that I don't wish to, I just don't have anything to say to you anymore. I've nothing, zilch. I want to meet you, but I've nothing to articulate. I'm speechless. This time, it's because you've suddenly become a someone I've never known. As if you're a dream brought to life. Like we've spoken in dreams, but never reality.
Remember how we used to be.
Can we make this last forever
With every word, we're growing distant
And I feel as though I have to let you go.
1:31 AM
Friday, November 18, 2005
Either at the end of this month, or next week,
I'll be working at Paragon Guess Kids.
Nope, not Suntec anymore.
Honestly, I dread it. A lot. Even though town is way more convenient, and I'll get to meet Wanyi for lunch breaks. Even disturb Val really often during the weekends. (HAHA.) But I won't be working together with Naz and Suhana anymore. The knowledge of that just really bites. Especially now that I've bonded much closer with them (despite it being only 8 days). :( I'm really quite depressed about it.
Oh, and of course, no more eyecandies for belle. :( Haha. In paragon, Naz said I'll be working with 2 Chinese, 2 Malays. And they're of an older age. I pray they'd allow me to wear sneakers. Please please please. No make up either. Basket, make me have pimples only sia.
The comforting thing is that I'll get to see Suhana pretty often cos she's gonna be posted to Taka to work with Wanyi. Naz would be posted to United Square n working with Cheryl. How I wish I could just go along with any one of them. :( But thats okay, cos now I've 2 reasons to drop by Taka or United Square. Gonna miss working with them. :( :( :(
I don't want to leave. :( :( :(
12:01 AM
Monday, November 14, 2005
You know what I have a knack at doing?
Embarrassing myself and screwing up. :/
Wanyi and Chang were just saying yesterday that I wouldn't have the guts to do it. But I did. I called her at work today. After Naz told her about me. My gawd. I totally screwed up. I'm so damn embarrassed right now, I don't feel like going to work anymore. Shucks. And now I don't know how to approach this situation and make it alright. No idea how to go about actually getting to know her.
Belle's such a loser, I swear. :/
AND instead of taking a bus to orchard, I took the wrong bus and landed up in Katong. wtf? Plus I was supposed to go down to Novena to look Chang up. Luckily I made it down in time. Managed to keep to my word. And thanks to Chang and Wanyi, I don't feel so moody anymore. I love them both (:
We ended our friendship today. is it even considered a friendship? I'm clueless. And it so happens that when you msged, she walked past. Naz thought I was going to cry after I read your msg. Ha, not at work. Yeah I think too much, I've caused you too much trouble. Maybe this is better for you then. Me out of your life. -shrugs. Do whatever you want la. Guess perhaps I don't know you afterall. All the best with the rest of your life. Take care.
12:25 AM
Saturday, November 12, 2005
I have no idea why I'm so enraptured by
her.
I have no fucken clue.
Nono, belle.
This entrancement is ephemeral.
It has to be. :/
Meanwhile, Cheryl mentioned about gifts in rship today.
I just remembered that I was the one who actually assisted you in getting your first present to him. Ha. And this is what I get for always thinking of your welfare first.
Seriously, go do some reflections.
I hate you for doing all these to me.
I don't deserve a single shit of it. ZILCH.
You and your oh-so-perfect boyfriend should just fucking get out of my life. I had enough of being such a fucking idiot you can play around with, enough of all these shit.
And you can read this and feel angry, hurt, whatever. But it'll still never be compared to everything that you've put me through.
12:49 AM
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Right now, if truth be told,
I kinda hate you.
Maybe we're better off as strangers.
Screw myself for trying to salvage things and winding up getting jagged in the face.
That aside.
I have 6 days left. :(
Please pray something would happen.
11:33 PM
Monday, November 07, 2005
Don't you think that it's such a blessing with a touch of heaven once you've found someone you can love for a long time to come, as if your love for the other can never run dry like an everlasting flow from a perpetual river?
I'm honestly glad for my cousin. He finally tied the knot today. His wife, an air stewardess. Pretty sia. So are her friends! Haha. The feeling is just wonderful, thinking that I'll be seeing her together with him during every Chinese New Year or other family events. Such bliss. (:
Looking at the both of them inadvertently harked me back to the starting of this year. Yes, that was how I felt towards you. You knew that. But things have changed over time. Now, I can barely feel your presence, like I rarely know you anymore. From lovers to strangers to more than friends to can't even be friends? -shrugs. We've walked a road so tumultuous, overcame all odds, and now it seems that we're just letting everything die with time. As you please, I guess. I can't really be bothered anymore. I'm exhausted from my attempts of salvaging it all. I've let you go.
My love for you has faded with the you I once knew.
12:41 AM
Saturday, November 05, 2005
First day of work.
My colleague got a shock when I reported for work. She thought I was a boy. (Hello, I was already wearing a girl's top la) :/ Apparently, she was awaiting the arrival of a 'long hair, decent looking, lady-like girl' verbatim. She(Naz) said that my voice and my name doesnt suit my outlook at all. Sighsighsigh.
But overall, work was alright. Other than the soles of my feet are rather sore. It was pretty fun. I didn't do much though. Suntec's outlet is surprisingly empty. Quoted from Naz "The crowd is outside, never in". Indeed, really. ha. So most of the time, we were just chatting time away. Yes, it was only the both of us. Imagine how empty it is that merely 2 people can handle an entire boutique. Not to forget, it's a SATURDAY. Then again, I never saw that Baby Guess outlet in Suntec before. Most of us just breeze past it without even realising. (Those like me, at least) So people, please come and visit me to provide me with a little entertainment ya. Haha!
Oh oh oh, I have to mention about Naz's friend who works a couple of shops down. When she entered Baby Guess to look for Naz, the first thing I noticed about her was her hair. Neattt piece of work. She reminded me of Naima when I looked at her. Just that she's a little more voluptuous. Ha. Not bad la, at least I have somoene to look at while at work. Haha. And guess what? She's not exactly straight. Hohoho. (:
So today, I vacuumed the floor for the 1st time in my life. (Loser, I know) Ha. And for my 1 hr break, I went out for a smoke and actually dozed off while sitting on the bench. Pretty amazing huh? Haha. Yes I'm damn tired. Haven't been sleeping well for the past few nights. Ohwell. I'm just gonna sleep in till 5pm tmr then head down to attend my cousin's wedding. zzzZZZZZ. (:
11:53 PM
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Baby Guess at Suntec City.My first official job!
Other than working for my mom and the 3day exhibition fair.
Gonna start working this weekend most probably.
Wanyi and Cheryl are gonna be working at Baby Guess too.
Different outlets though.
It's good, cause we won't shut up once we get together.
Haha. Can't wait!
And
Happy Birthday!!To Carmbert
To Arabella
To Valencia
To My Dad.
5:27 PM
I've got so much to say to you.
From apologies, updates, my thoughts, to the 3 simple words 'I miss you'.
Didn't talk to you for the whole of today. I'm not sure if it ever happened before. If truth be told, it feels weird. How did we drift apart so much? I'm not sure of it myself. Maybe you're really stepping out of my life right now. I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing. Really not sure at all. But forget it, you don't seem to give two hoots anyway. You probably didn't realise, even though you always claim my assumptions are erroneous. Your actions doesn't speak so at all, my dear. It divulges zilch. How much I wish you could prove me wrong. Everyday, I hope.
Just take my feelings into consideration.
Remember I'm human.
Please.
1:52 AM
